I feel obliged to admit that the following may be a wee exaggeration in the sense it may be a half truth, like it is a half truth to say the kids are stressing me out every waking minute, and I am then not counting the nightmares.
Tartan is apparently back as a teenage craze and my credit card is proving it better than any Pa Pryce rant at the children about the cost of cotton and the higher price of cotton with three stripes on it. I have evidence in bottom line sums from a Bank. And Banks are honest brokers or at least they were.
As for me I have been known to don the odd shirt that could have graced a Scotsman's loins. But I recognise that in the past I may have been in tartan, but not exactly "in". But hey I like my tartan and have a few photographs that prove it. So if tartan is back, I am back, and what is money good for?
So if tartan was back, Pa Pryce was going to grace the teenager parent evening as "Daddy Cool". So tartan shirt was worn and I was back rolling back the years again, expecting welcoming glances, admiring looks from the old folk called other parents that I am still cutting it.
I expected the teenager to applaud a father that could still get down with the kids.
Next day I was faced with post-school admonishment of me. A child, a daughter was none too happy that other children's parents had reported back to her friends, and even giggled at and generally hammed it up that a parent had attended the sombre event that is a parent evening and that parent was by all accounts mutton dressed as lamb. I was told in deeply metaphorical tones that I was not a lamb, I was the mutton. She could not live this down allegedly, this was a catastrophe apparently, this was a tummy ache at school moment level of embarrassment.
Apparently tartan is cool if you are under 18 and have not got a pot belly that a tartan shirt just ain't covering.
On the bright side, this admonishment counts as the longest conversation with the daughter by several words since it was longer than "D'er", "Fine", and the previous record holder of "I am doing my HOMEWORK!".