Friday, 26 November 2010


An "Education, Education, Education" mantra is reduced into "Grades, grades and grades". And who cares if you cannot remember a single iota after exam day. Damn I want to be a proud Dad on results day. There is my social standing to think of.

Passes and fails, carrots and canes.

Motivation of the teenage brain is a parental challenge. I do my best, I talk the talk, I limp the walk, I do bad cop, I've done good cop and a promise of a some electronic megabyting mini-midi-thingy..

I talk of my failures and how if I had done it different, I talk of successes of rewarded effort, I talk about the western world economy and a fighting chance to get on, I talk about having enough money to buy a car at a young age, I talk about bin collection being a viable option of a career.

Threats and promises sit side by side and sometimes make up to a teenager making a teenage effort of doing teenage homework-doing, sometimes not.

THere it is the young adult showing independence and maturity - the right to decide, including deciding wrongly damit?

I am afraid the 18 "pimp my ride", sweet sixteen, two and half men- elderly owner car will not be bought, because my back seat driving is not warranted or required.

And if I cannot back seat drive I'll be damned if there is to be front seat driving.

Saturday, 13 November 2010

The Invasion of Privacy Incident

My teenage boy is annoyed on the verge of declaring Unilateral Declaration of My Room is Independent of the Rest of the House and especially My Sister , or "UDMRIRHEMS" if you will.

Apparently terrible things have been done to his room, apparently she ~his malicious mean moody sister ~took her DVD player back, which he ~ the brother ~ had borrowed.

I also need to add although he had borrowed "with asking", she had borrowed back "without asking". She did it without asking by damn. Of teenage sins this is a biggee. If there was a need for a eleventh commamdment by double damn and Almighty this is it ~ Thou shalt not borrow without asking.

Not only but also...

Maliciously during this time, in which she was in his room, she made a mess ~ yes, a "Mess"~ perhaps if I was a proper father in a fully functioning family unit that could have graced a 1950's BBC information film, I would be caring in this fracture of brotherly love.

Instead I am reduced to saying there is no cat in hell, no snowball in hell, Pryce gettin' in heaven chance that the addition of even an emptied rubbish bin could make a more discernable mess than existed in his room before her unauthorised entry into his room and deliberate mess activity.
In simple terms the room started as a mess and one or two additional items ain't changing the mess status.

However my superdad supersenses were going sonic. I detected sibling rivalry was going nuclear, there was a risk of crying, fighting, and general foot stamping in a very un-Goth manner.

So I sprang into action which is itself a biggee exaggeration. Truth be told, I got up and made a cup of tea and then took said cup of tea to the room where squabbling was going on with grown-up swear words thrown in.

I am not one for democracy when there is a sibling squabble to handle. The Western Civilised world's version of democracy ended at the "Welcome" mat of the Pryce family abode. The UN can takes its peace keeping troops to a developing a country with a GDP less than a medium sized US state. This is an autocracy based on my age, fatness, money and general moodiness.

I obeyed my whim that adding a pair of his neatly pressed and wardrobed trousers to the mess on the floor was a good idea. This trouser on floor addition would not be discernable. I threw another pair of trousers on the pile.

I added other formerly neatly piled items that formerly were in the wardrobe. There was now sufficient mess that both could tidy up, yes tidied up by both. Therefore the guilty party of mess creation could be justly punished - hoorah, the innocent party in mess creation was obviously a victim - oh hum, and I was Mr Nasty - hoor....hum. It goes with the territory, Jim.

I may be a step closer to seeing the Care Home at a prematurely young old age, as soon as that hip replacement "op" is necessary, they will have their revenge.

Now there is still a cup of tea to drink ~ hoorah, which I had to make for myself ~ ho hum.

Saturday, 6 November 2010

Party Time

Pre party time is spent getting the family sty ship-shape and readily available for national advertisements campaigns for family values by a leading soap company or well paying alternative branded sponsor.

We have visitors, visitors are visiting the Pryce family zoo, there will be teenagers on show, by damn and I am afraid to bring out the "do not feed the animal" signs in case the teenagers may go hungry.

My career, my social network is at threat. Whose idea was this to party whilst we had teenage children, whose idea of stupidity was this. has these mad moments.

Where once a party was six pack of beer cans and a packet of crisps, it now has bottles of wine with years marked to show our good taste, food requires plastic knives and forks and disposable paper plates rather than finger lickin' good crisp bag.

Invitations, to the great and the good in the Pryce family circle of trust, record the necessity for casual dress. My teenagers may be right, I am losing my fun edge. Who in my past, in their right mind would dare to turn up to a Pryce family get down and party without jeans. Now I am making it compulsory.

The evening comes, I tell stories, jokes, the teenagers miraculosly are kind to strangers, they answer questions that would normally be guffawed away as below their teen credibility; my teenagers are still in touch with humanity. They even laugh at my jokes that they may have heard before, they laugh at my jokes at their expense and I reciprocate vice versa a,s they mock the fat fella that sometimes shouts at them.

Its hard to be a fat old fella and not know there is a comedic trough for the swine to feast on.

Pryce family re-engages in the zoo. Breaking down the cages of heartache.

The goalposts have shifted at party time and the paradigm re-set. It good to have a mad moment.